


Losing my Everything

by Dreamer_of_Improbable_Dreams



Series: Give you my everything [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Boyking Sam, Consort Dean Winchester, Dubious Consent, M/M, Unrequited, Unrequited Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-10 07:57:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3282809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamer_of_Improbable_Dreams/pseuds/Dreamer_of_Improbable_Dreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean doesn't talk to Sam. Can't look at him. Can't touch him.<br/>The memories of that one night together are destroying Dean.<br/>He can't get away from the memories or the guilt or the sick feeling.<br/>Sam is forced to watch as his brother burns into a black hole, all the while craving Dean's touch, the taste of him, the heat of his body.<br/>Something is going to break soon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing my Everything

Dean doesn't even look at him the first day after.

He barely gets out of bed and when he does he moves slowly and gingerly, like every step hurts.

Sam took his brother's virgin body hard.

He doesnt speak to Sam for three days.

Three weeks later and he still can't stop himself from flinching every time Sam gets in his space.

Sam is conflicted. He feels guilty for hurting his brother, but he  _wants_. He wants to caress Dean's soft skin. Feel the twist of his body under Sam's. To taste him again. To draw out that hidden side of Dean and keep it all to himself.

And Dean can barely even look him in the eye.

As the days stretch into weeks the want grows into  _need._ Sam craves a smile, a touch, anything.

Sam is dying of thirst and Dean's taste is the clearest water. He's freezing to death and the only warmth is the touch of his brother's skin pressed against his own. He's going blind and the only light is Dean's smile. He burns with a fever that can only be quenched by feel of his brothers body under his own and the sound of Dean's voice calling Sam's name.

It was never something he asked for, but now that Sam's tasted it he can't live without.

Something is awake inside him now. Dark and hungry, a voice in his mind that whispers all the things they want from Dean. Sam's voice.

The voice of the Boy King of Hell.

And it craves Dean.

~

He hurts everywhere.

His body.

His heart.

Even his reeling mind aches inside his skull.

That first day after the yellow eyed bastard walked away in their father's skin after playing them into his plan Dean goes to war with his thoughts.

Its a full on genocide effort to purge that night from his mind. But stubborn survivors ambush him the moment he drops his guard.

He struggles to shove the touches and the whispers, Sam's voice in his ear, the sick feeling of his baby brother's hands on his body, all of it, into a box to be locked away.

But they stick to him like dirty black tar. Spread through his thoughts like a disease. He can't shake them. They fill his head when he lies awake at night trying not to remember the weight of Sam's body pressing his back into scratchy motel sheets. He hears Sam's whispered words and long warm hands sliding over his body when he steps into the shower. Feels the phantom tingle on his lips and tongue and wretches at the echos of his brother's taste in his mouth. The music in the car is never quite loud enough to chase away the ghostly whispers of Sam's voice in his ear "S _o good. So beautiful. Mine."_

It haunts him, those words.

" _mine"_

_"mine"_

_"mine"_

Four letters. Such a short word. It feels like the key to insanity.

Dean refuses to even recognize the ache in his body. The pain between his legs. Refuses to acknowledge that it even exists.

He can't even begin to contemplate the meaning of the yellow eyed demon's words. Doesn't think, can't think, about what they might mean.

The only thing that helps is the hunt. His only escape from the Hell inside his mind is the destruction of evil. He craves the the blissful serenity of fighting for his life, when the thoughts in his mind silence and there is nothing but him, the weapon in his hand, and some ugly thing in need of killing.

Dean knows he's pushing too hard. Taking risks. Getting sloppy. He doesn't sleep at night, drinks too much. He doesn't slow down. When he slows down he sees the look in Sam's eyes sometimes, when Sam thinks he isn't looking. A hungry look that gets darker and more desperate as the days go by and Dean does his best to obliterate himself.

He feels guilty and angry and desperate, so confused and sick to his stomach all the time. 

Everything hurts. He doesn't know how much longer he can keep going. Something is about to break. But Dean won't acknowledge it. Won't face up to it. It's easier to just run off the edge with his eyes closed. Dean isn't even sure that isn't what he wants. He just wants it to end.

Sammy is fucked up because of him. He screwed up somehow. It's his fault Sam keeps looking at him with those burning desperate eyes. Looks at him different.

Why the hell did Sam enjoy that sick thing so much? Why isn't he sick and guilty and broken like Dean? Bastard got off on fucking his big brother.

He can't keep doing this, it hurts too much, he feels sick all the time. He's gotta find a way to fix Sam. Save him from whatever twisted scheme the yellow eyed demon has.

He feels so lost. The world is spinning and cracking under his feet like thin ice. Everything is too big. He feels so lost. All Dean wants to do is cling to Sam but even the thought of touching his little brother brings back everything and makes him sick. He feels like all his ropes have been cut loose, every safe haven is a shoal of deadly reefs.

He just feels sick. So sick. 

Dean wants it to end.

~

Sam watches Dean spin out of control. 

Dean drags them from one hunt to another, constantly chasing the yellow eyed demon wearing their father's skin.

Sam can almost see Dean flailing out, like a supernova before it becomes a black hole. Dean burns so brightly and lives so wildly and desperately you almost can't see the black void opening wider and wider inside.

Sam can feel the desperation as he watches Dean burning through and collapsing.

his brother doesn't sleep, barely eats, tears through vampires and werewolves as though he doesn't feel pain.

The pit of dread yawns in Sam's stomach as he watches his brother crumple from the inside out. He feels responsible, feels guilty, feels desperate.

He can't help the want, the craving.

Sam knows things are getting worse. he barely sees Dean in the last three days before they find old yellow eyes.

Or he finds them.

They're hunting the demon, and Dean is charging recklessly on. His pale face is cut and bleeding, leaving stark crimson across his cheekbones.

Sam's demon voice whispers in his mind At the sight. All lust and desire at the sight of Dean's bloody lips. He can taste them on his tongue.

When Yellow Eyes pins them against the wall and laughs in their fathers voice Sam feels nothing but anger. This monster did this to Dean, to them. Because of its sick little games Dean wont even look at him. He has to watch his brother kill himself slowly because he can't live with the memory of Sam fucking him.

 

Yellow eyes is a gloating bastard. He takes great pleasure in caressing Dean's face as he whispers in his ear loud enough for Sam to hear. One yellow glance over at Sam to watch his anger flare possessively.

"what's the problem Deano, you don't look so good. Having some issues adjusting to life as you baby brother's whore? Don't worry, I'm sure Sammy will break you in soon enough"

Sam can't help the snarl that rips through his teeth.

"dont touch him"

"why not? Don't you wanna share your bitch with your Daddy? No? You wanna keep him all to yourself? Fuck him loose and sloppy every night till your cum runs down his legs? You want that Dean? Want little Sammy to ride you till you can't get out of bed? Shove his cock up your tight little ass and leave it there? Maybe he'll use your mouth and leave you tasting him on your tongue until he licks it all back out of your mouth. He hasn't realized it yet but there's nothing stopping him from tying you down and fucking you bloody. He can use you however he likes and there's nothing you can do to stop him. No matter how far you run or where you hide your little Sammy will always find you."

The filth pouring out of the demons mouth keeps on coming. It describes how Sam is going to become king of Hell, how the world will bow at his feet and shudder with his presence. Everything will be fire and blood and ash and Sam will wear a crown of bones. He will sit on the throne of Hell and keep his brother Consort chained at his feet in nothing but a collar.

Dean looks sick, like he's about to throw up. His eyes are desperate when he meets Sam's eyes for the first time in a month. 

"get your hands off him"

The demon laughs in Sam's face.

"youre not the king of Hell yet Sammy. You gotta take that title before you can keep your precious little bitch safe. Take this as incentive to hurry it up"

And then Dean is screaming, blood bubbling to his lips and slipping down his chin.

the yellow eyed demon laughs as it tears Dean appart from the inside out.

The darkness in Sam surges, possessive anger and righteous fury, and Sam slips out of the demon's hold to take up the colt. Yellow eyes still wears his father's face and in that moment Sam almost pulls the trigger.

"Sammy, don't! Don't shoot him! Don't do it!"

The restless lonely piece of him is calmed by the nickname, the darkness in his blood purrs to hear Dean beg him.

he shoots his father through the leg.

 

"Dean!  _DEAN!?"_

Shattered glass and his silent brother in the back seat. Smoking engines and crumpled metal.

And an all consuming terror.

 

Dean. Still and pale on the hospital bed. His soul is far away but Sam can't help but kiss his soft lips as tears slip down his face.

 

Yelling at his father, both of them raging. John feels sick with the words the demon spoke with his mouth. Wants to tear out his insides at the knowledge of what Yellow Eyes did to his boys. Wants to smack Sam for not knowing better and doing that to his brother. Wants to smack Dean for letting it happen. Sam burns with fury that his father will do nothing to save Dean. Dean is his! he needs him! Voices yelling.

A glass flies off the table and shatters.

 

Dean Speaks to Sam through the ouija board. Something is after him. A reaper.

Sam wants to beg 'don't leave me! I need you! I don't want to do this alone!'

When Dean almost dies Sam comes to a decision. 

He will become the king of Hell, if only to keep Dean safe by his side. He will never let him go. Can't let Dean go. Sam is willing to do anything to keep his brother.

 

John Winchester makes a deal with the yellow eyed demon and Dean wakes up.

When he opens his eyes and sees Sam he smiles. 

When John Winchester dies he holds his little brother close, even though it's hard. 

When Sam looks into Dean's eyes and Dean looks back he knows.

Dean trusts him to never do what the yellow eyed demon said.

 _'Maybe he shouldn't'_ whispers Demon Sam.

 

 

 

 


End file.
